I’ve been recalling some of the crazy times that I spent with a man named, Dick Hertz. I knew Dickie back in the late ’80’s-early 90’s when I was a waiter/bartender at Sisson’s in Federal Hill and Dickie was a cab driver and cook at Regi’s, back when it was still owned by Regi, herself.
Dick was a true Baltimore original. He lived in SoWeBo and he introduced me to the charms of Scallio’s; a bullet proof glass enclosed bar on Hollins Street. His voice and his laugh were both irritating and wondrous at the same time.
What made Dickie amazing is that he had an alter ego, Larry Vega. In the guise of LarryVega, he wrote and produced a stage show called, aptly enough, The Larry Vega Show! Helping him in this endeavor was a coterie of creative miscreants, most notably the late, Stoc Marcut(Scott Martin, if I recall properly) and another true Baltimore character and musical genius, Mark Harp. They would perform this crazy, loud, profane, hysterical show at the Marble Bar and later at the 8×10, when the 8×10 was an awesome gathering place of artists and musicians and those who truly appreciate, seat of your pants-DIY creativity.
I wasn’t able to find any photos of the Larry Vega show crew on the internet but I HAD one…SOMEWHERE!! and if I ever find it, I will scan it and post it. I was only able to find one entry about the Dickie and the Larry Vega Show online so I am going to try and post it here now.
078. “Miss Gay Galaxy” on the “Larry Vega Show”
– Galaxy Ballroom, Baltimore, us@
– [October 16, 2010 note: I had previously left this off my “Mere Outline..” because it was such a minor ‘performance’ but, shucks, there might be SOMEONE out there who’d find this interesting & it would seem that I’m becoming a ‘completist’ here so I’m including it.] “Larry Vega” (aka “Dick Hertz”) hosted a fake tv talk show in the Galaxy Ballroom in the Congress Hotel &, later, at the 8 X 10 Club. Larry’s costars were “Corky Niedermayer” (aka Mark Harp), & “Morry Fine and his All-Blind Orchestra”. Stoc Marcut made frequent appearances as did many others. Stoc portrayed Dr Ruth & Tom Synder, eg. Larry’s show was deliberately vulgar & politically incorrect – glorying in moronic tv spoof humor. His stock phrase was “What the hell ya gonna do?”. In a hand-out for the August 19, 1986 show at the 8 X 10, Larry described himself with:
LIKES: fast cars, fast women, fast foreplay, smoking
HATES: slow cars, slow women, rattan, the handicapped
FAVE COLOR: plaid
FAVE FOOD: cold borshcht
SCOTCH: Old Overcoat
Vega had asked someone to be a guest “Miss Gay Galaxy” (probably someone who was gay) & when they didn’t show asked me to substitute. I didn’t want to play being gay by using swish (or any other) stereotypes so I probably quickly brainstormed with my girlfriend of the time, O. J. D’Art, & one other unknown male friend to do a different routine. I went on stage just wearing my usual ragged winter clothes & as response to Larry’s questions pretended to be very shy. I explained that I wasn’t the only one who deserved the “Miss Gay Galaxy” award because I had been 1/3rd of Siamese Triplets & that we’d recently been surgically separated. Taking my cue from a comedy routine by Janor Hypercleets, the “living tongue” of the Church of the SubGenius, I explained that when we were separated I’d gotten the balls. I named my other 2/3rds something like Janor & Janet Hypercleets in honor of this. I don’t think Janor was in town at the time but maybe he was the male colllaborator. I then invited my other 2/3rds on stage. They came on, twitching – this was probably intended to look as if they weren’t “all there” & the 3 of us proceeded to pretend to attempt to reunite – rolling around orgiastically on the floor while Vega ‘cut to a commercial’ or whatnot.
This came from something called, “Mere Outline”…I think. So here’s the thing, if anyone has memories or photos or info about Dickie, The Larry Vega Show or Mark Harp’s contributions to The Larry Vega Show…lemme know.
As I wrap up, there is a great blog, called, Baltimore Or Less, and it’s run by Tom Warner and Scott Huffines and there is a very nice blog on there that memorializes, Mark Harp. “What the hell ‘ya gonna’ do?!”