If you have followed this blog a little bit you might recall that about 10 to 15 posts ago, I wrote about going for a run one day and stumbling across a a box for a First Response Home Pregnancy Test. I went on to tell you of my fantasy scenario of a young woman buying the test and being so impatient to find out if she is preggers or not that she whips out the stick in the passenger seat and yanks down her skinny jeans and pees on it right there in the moving car and of course tosses the box out the window, right onto Northern Parkway. I referred to it as a scene from a John Waters’ movie that he hadn’t come across yet in his daily travels. I mean, how often does my favorite filmmaker go for a run? I’m going to say, never.
So dig this, I was running this past Wednesday. I again, was in my neighborhood, which rests on the Northern Parkway side of Mt. Washington. This is where the confluence of the Three P’s exists; the neighborhoods of Pimlico, Park Heights and Pikesville.
I have a habit of consistently changing my running route. It just keeps everything fresh and since I moved to this neighborhood just this past June, it always feels like an exploration. The Three P’s are predominantly African-American and Jewish and these two ethnic groups commingle freely, but there are some portions that are, for the most part, distinctly Black and distinctly Jewish. As a matter of fact, there is a strong presence of Orthodox Jews and it just so happens that this past Wednesday I was running along Cross Country Boulevard which has a high percentage of Orthodox households. So I’m just running along and I caught a glimpse of some pink cardboard lying next to the curb. Any rubbish on this street is uncommon. These homes are well cared for, lawns nicely kept and all that, so the trash really caught my eye.
Speaking of being nicely kept, here’s a photo of me around mile 22 of the 2009 Baltimore Marathon. Mile 22 is in Waverly, right by Union Memorial Hospital in which I was born.
But I digress. So I see the pink box and I keep running but my brain is on FIRE!!! What are the odds that it’s another home pregnancy test box, tossed out of a moving car??? I have to look; I can’t take it! It was!! What are the odds? Why is this such a common thing in this neighborhood? Here is a picture of the box, thank you Google images.
What makes it even better is that it’s the CVS brand. In the upper right hand corner of the box it says, “Compare to First Response” Now, because I found it on Cross Country Blvd, my new fantasy is a scene of an Orthodox Jewish Girl in trouble(anyone remember, “Catholic High School Girls in Trouble” from “Kentucky Fried Movie”?) I can see the poor girl just not being able to wait.
Before anyone starts to think that I’m just a weirdo, just consider the odd nature of removing the pregnancy test from the box before you can get to a more normal place to use it. Are women in my neighborhood doing this behind buildings or bushes? Why toss the box from a moving car? I understand the familial distress, shame and embarrassment that is involved with an unwanted pregnancy but if you wanna really keep this on the down low….ummm…don’t openly litter. This is Baltimore where littering is an art form but man…this is Zany with a capital Z.
In all comedy there also resides a bit of tragedy and with that said, I realize that I now almost have to find an actual pregnancy test stick, post use on my next run.
I love Baltimore and every human in it. We are a strange lot indeed!